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The Freedom Unit Newsletter

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In our modern-day American culture, it is common to encounter men who are more career-focused than they are home-focused. Why is this? What causes a man to become so consumed with providing and excelling that he can neglect those that are the most important in his life, and do so to his own peril?

This is no news flash: men, by nature, are less relational than women. But are you aware of why we men are less relational? It is a physiological fact that the average man has 25%-40% fewer connectors between the right and left hemispheres of his brain than does his wife. Why? Because at about the seventh week of life, while still in his mommy's womb, he received his first dose of testosterone. One effect of this initial dose was to reduce the number of neuron-connectors.

As two people who have read the Life Model and used the companion workbook, Steve and Kristie Farnworth eagerly registered for the Heart and Soul conference held in Pasadena, CA in June. Arriving at the conference with high expectations, we were not disappointed!

We both appreciated the presentations on Wednesday, during which Jim Wilder, David Takle, Ed Khouri, and Chris Coursey team taught a variety of topics related to the Life Model: How is character formed? How is community character formed? How do we recover from bad character formation? How do we transmit character? Great material was shared at a very fast pace, yet, because each presenter shared in 20 minute blocks with an application question at the end (discussed in the audience in groups of two and three), the transitions were quick and smooth, and the information was absorbed by the audience.

In order to understand the way God created you and me, I need you to come with me on a journey of discovery. Please find a quiet place to sit while you read, because quietness is a prerequisite to fully experiencing intimacy.

In this quiet place I need you to relax and then imagine the most beautiful garden you have ever seen. Every sense you possess is fully alive as you attempt to take in the color and aroma of all of the flowers and trees. Everywhere you look is teeming with animals. The birds in the trees fill the air with a melodious harmony as a lion cub and a lamb wrestle playfully at your feet.

My first polygraph was life changing. My second was routine.

There had been a disclosure...another trauma, another set of lies acting like a fault line upon which the intervening good memories were shaken into rubble, another violation of trust, another time when our marriage hung in the balance. My wife declared that she was getting a divorce, and had been completely serious, taking the step of having my sister inform my aged parents. She had ejected me from the bedroom, and made her plans.

"How could he do this to me? To our children? To God...and to himself?" nearly all of us cry out in the early days of discovering that the man we gave our heart and life to has shattered our world by violating the sanctity of our marriage and giving away what we believed was ours alone.

Yes; how could he? How could they?

In the twenty years since I first realized I needed the answers to these painful questions, I've learned that it is a rare man who wants to hurt his wife this way, and that nearly every sex addict feels deep remorse and shame. And I've learned that inside nearly every grown-up sex addict hides a wounded little boy; a little boy who still feels the pain of his long-ago emotional wounds because he hasn't found a way to heal them. And for most, solid, long-term sexual sobriety remains slippery at best until someone helps that little boy-turned-grown-up-man shine a healing light on the ancient lesions of his psyche and his soul and do the hard, slow work of closing them.